Sprickorna i fasaden

Tittar upp i taket. Andas. Drar täcket över huvudet. Fosterställning. Men jag är inte är förkyld. Har ingen feber alls faktiskt. Ändå ljuger jag och säger att jag är sjuk och det är inte första gången. 

Jag inte kan prata med någon i dag, inte möta en blick, inte kommunicera alls faktiskt. När jag spiller ut kaffe på köksbordet börjar jag gråta, när jag försöker välja kläder får jag panik och kan inte andas. Men jag är inte förkyld.

 

Varför kommer de vissa dagar där man inte kan röra sig, förlamande panik. När hela kroppen skriker, gör ont och slår inombords. Hur blir man av med de, Jag kanske vet vem och vad som gör mig så här, men de hjälper inte, de hjälper inte att veta de för de säger mig inte hur jag blir av med de. Hur jag ska skaka känslan att jag inte är nog, jag får inte åt mig luften och världen bara trycker mig ner i alfalten.

 

Att visa sprickorna i fasaden finns inte, jag tejpar och limmar och klamrar fast i varje del som går sönder och spricker i tu, inte visa inte säga. håll ihop, en dag till, en stund till. Håll huvudet över ytan tillräckligt länge så du får ett andetad till innan de mörka drar ner dig igen.. 

 

 

Vissa dagar är värre än andra, och de är såhär jag tog mig igenom dagarna. Jag har fortfarande sånna dagar, ibland fler ibland färre, men jag har fortfarande inte lärt mig hur jag hanterar de.


2014-11-02 | 15:16:01 | Allmänt | 11 Kommentarer

Home,..


And I've always been a daughter,
But feathers are meant for the sky.
So I'm wishing, wishing further,
For the excitement to arrive,
It's just I'd rather be causing the chaos
Than living at the sharp end of this knife

'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones.
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed.
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?

So when I'm ready to be bolder,
And my cuts have healed with time,
Comfort will rest on my shoulder,
And I'll bury my future behind.
I'll always keep you with me,
You'll be always on my mind,
But there's a shining in the shadows
I'll never know unless I try

With every small disaster
I'll let the waters still,
Take me away to some place real
 
 
 

2013-07-12 | 00:09:35 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

I gave my heart to you..


I met someone by accident
That blew me away

It was in the darkest of your days
When I took your sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, we buried them away

You dropped me off at the airport
Put a kiss on top of my head
You watched me wave
Then you went on home to your skyscrapers
That you call home

I woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
And although I wish that you were near
That same old road that brought me here

And I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear someday
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
And I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away
 
 

2013-06-17 | 00:48:00 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

whispers in the dark

 

You know how to cheer me up, even though I never told you how.
You are always there, even though you are so far away
I will never let you go, just so you know.
Unconditional, I will always love you, in one way or another
it is because you are who you are

you wont lose me darling
 
 
 
 
 
Some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories
But, that doesn't make them any less filled with love.
 - Carrie Bradshaw
 
 

2013-05-28 | 00:59:00 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

well, that sucks!


What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?
What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?

You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake
You're a coward to the end
I admit that we're not gonna fit
No, I'm not the type that you like
Why do we pretend?



sleep tight, dont let the bedbuggs bite
 

2013-05-28 | 00:29:45 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

I’d adjust ‘til I could barely breathe

Can’t you see how much I’ve changed
Hardly any part of me remains
I tried to be the way you are

If I keep losing what I’ve got
I’m becoming into someone I’m not

 I won’t pretend
I don’t know why you don’t comprehend
You wouldn’t want me in the end
 I never gave a guarantee

Bleaching out myself til I’m you
You stole my heart
And so much of me
Now I am only half
Of what it takes to feel complete
 

2013-05-27 | 03:45:40 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

Echo of me

 
send a flower for each lie
you say your sorry
but you never apologize
you told me you loved me
but send a card that said godbye
someone makes me cry
 
maybe i was meant to be left behind
by all of your heartfelt lies
 
so,. what does your gut tells you?
Nobody does ever get everything they want, look at all you good people,
you are all so happy, and still you get shafted.
When I think it will be, when Im happy, when I smile
something bad always happens,..
 
so why would it be any different this time?
 
 
I am always falling for the same misstake,.
I rise and fall, and sometimes I break,.

2013-05-26 | 01:24:45 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

Right in two


When does the silence settle in?
Nothing's wrong but nothing's right
We hold our breath and close our eyes
Let's get out on that ice, it's wearin' thin
 

I want tears, I want rain
If that's what leads me back to you
Even if that means feelin' the pain, that's what we gotta do
Let it fall apart, come on and break my heart
Yeah, break it right in two
'Cause I don't want to smile if that means losin' you
 

How did we get so low?
Here we are pretending that we're doing fine
Just scratching at the surface, just gettin' by
 it's that time we feel something real?
 

I want tears, I want rain
If that's what leads me back to you
Even if that means feelin' the pain, that's what we gotta do
Let it fall apart, come on and break my heart
Yeah, break it right in two
'Cause I don't want to smile if that means losin' you

Remember what we use to have




 


2013-04-16 | 00:47:18 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

your the beautiful, I'm the mess...

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind who can take down a girl, 
And lift me back up again
You are strong but you're needy, 
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language, 
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective, 
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy, 
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are 
We're still here

What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, not of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.


2013-04-16 | 00:20:41 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

But you left....

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?
Well, you could try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you
 
You wore the crown
You made my body feel heaven bound
Why don't you hold me, need me?
I thought you told me you'd never leave me
 
 
 
 

2013-04-05 | 00:48:05 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

houers past away...

I cry for you,the sky cries for you
They may forget how we met
I know you gone away
I cry for you and the sky cries for you
and when you went i became a hopless drifter....
 
 
 
 

2013-04-05 | 00:38:38 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

I'm at the edge of my emotions

 
 
I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Why am I doing this to myself?
I nearly left the real me on the shelf
 
It's okay not to be okay
Tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
 
 
 im singing this song for you
 
 

2013-03-18 | 23:46:12 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

say you didn't mean to,...

 
And the heart you broke, no, it wasn't just anybody's heart
 
Have a heart full of pain and a soul that can't reign

I was yours, I was yours and the heart that you broke
Was devoted and pure and it wasn't just anybody's heart
 

 


2013-03-18 | 00:47:00 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

unbroken, but what am I ..

I lay beside you, I can't sleep
And you don't even know about me
My back is turned a world away
And you don't even know
These tears are falling

I've lost your thousand silent screams
I'm coming down this brutal mountain
Standing in the light from the darkness
And all my life and all my time
And all the hurting and all the working


And all my life and all this time
And all the prayin' and all the meeting
And all the beating, It somehow made me stronger in the end
 
My love for you has added up to this
It's unbroken
 
 


2013-03-13 | 00:01:09 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer

Im yours


You can change the color of your hair,
It's not the way your move your hips,
Though I can't help but stare.
You are a mystery to me.

A thousand miles ain't really that much space,
I dream of you dreaming of me kissing your face,
And we can talk all night on the phone, 'til the sun comes up.

Forever I pray those beautiful eyes wanna fall upon me,
And say, "It's alright, 'cause I'm yours."
I'm yours.

You might say this is a fairy tale, <3
You are the reason I smile
 
 
 

2013-02-11 | 02:09:57 | Allmänt | 0 Kommentarer